Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
