Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is the high leading the old right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
