dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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