can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
