I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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