I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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