i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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