omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
