just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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