I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
