wanna go halves on a baby?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize