My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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