Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
