I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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