Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
