True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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