guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
