i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
