We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
