i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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