I wish I only lived at night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
