he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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