Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
