is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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