I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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