How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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