There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
