Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Alive.
So much puke
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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