Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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