4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
