well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
