oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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