Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
