Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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