just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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