Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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