Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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