I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
