3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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