you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
