Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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