my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
