we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
