Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
