soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
