I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
