barbara walters just said penis...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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