just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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