Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
