He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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