mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
