brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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