i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
