she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize