Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
