I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
