Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
