At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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