Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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