im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
