You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
