Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
