We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
