listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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