I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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