is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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