Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Vodka?
Forever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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