hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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