Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
