so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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