I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
