I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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