I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
